Animal Jokes and Puns

Animals can be hilarious and their names can be extremely funny aswell. This article will list the funniest jokes and puns about animals. Here you can find everything from a ruff dog to cats “feline” sad.

Have a good laugh and enjoy!

Animal Jokes Puns

Dog Jokes and Puns

As any dog-loving person will tell you, dogs are man’s best friend. Not only do they elevate our spirits and keep us active, but they also can be a literal lifesaver. Still, they’re not all perfect. There is a reason why so many dog jokes exist and why the animal has been the subject of so many of history’s greatest puns. Often, these jokes and puns poke fun at the fact that dogs are so loyal, so eager to please, and so eager to get along with anyone and everyone.

  • My dog isn’t mean, he’s just “ruff” around the edges.
  • What do you call a shivery dog? A chili dog
  • My dog was looking for treats in the pantry, but he was barking up the wrong tree.
  • What did the skeleton say to the dog? “Bone” appetit!
  • Why shouldn’t you bring a barking dog on an elevator? Because it’s wrong on so many levels.
  • What happens when you have a pet dog and a horse? You have a dog and pony show.
  • I was upset when my dog came home all dirty, but he had a “paw-sible” excuse.
  • What happened when the Scottie saw a monster? He was “terrier-fied”.
  • My Dalmatian was hiding under the bush because he didn’t want to be spotted.
  • The “pup-arazzi” took my dog’s picture for the “Paw Print” newspaper.
  • What happens when you cross a telephone with a golden retriever? You get a golden receiver.
  • My dog has a big appetite so he’s a little bit “husky.”
  • I wish my dog would stand up for himself, but he just rolls over and plays dead.
  • Why are Dalmatians bad at hide and seek? Because they are always spotted.
  • My dog’s favorite rock band is Three Dog Night.
  • The dog barked at the mail carrier non-stop with no paws.
  • My dog loves Pink Floyd, especially Bark Side of the Moon.
  • Always stay “paws-itive”!
  • Get a dog, and you’ll have a new leash on life!
  • What does a dog get for graduation? A “pet-degree”
  • He saw a great “oppawtunity” to start a dog-walking service.
  • What markets do dogs stay away from? Flea markets!
  • What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound
  • What do dogs and phones have in common? They both have “collar ID”.
  • My dog likes running around without a leash. Since he is well-behaved, we re-negotiated his leash agreement.
  • My dog is so beautiful, she could be on the cover of Vanity Fur magazine.
  • What do you call an embarrassed Dalmatian? Black and white and red all over
  • What do you call a canine architect? A bark-itect
  • They just made a dog version of Jurassic Park. It’s called Jurassic Bark.
  • What do you get when you cross an Irish setter with an airplane? A jet setter
  • When Nicole adopted a shelter dog, she jokingly told the dog, “I’m mutts about you!’
  • What is a favorite dog breed for scientists? Labs
  • What do you call a depressed collie dog? Melancholy
  • My dog barks so much, he would probably make a great “roofer.”

Squirrel Jokes and Puns

Squirrels are one of the most popular animals used in puns because they are cute, furry, and fun to play with.

  • I’m climbing the giant tree to get those nuts! I “walnut” fail!
  • What happens if you cross an elephant and a squirrel? A large floppy-eared squirrel who remembers where he hid his nuts.
  • What do squirrels watch on TV? Nut-flix
  • What happens if a squirrel has a nervous breakdown? It goes to the nut-house.
  • What did the squirrel say to his girlfriend? I love our dates, and I’m nuts about you!
  • The bank manager called the police because the squirrel was “foraging” checks.
  • Some of the squirrel puns are hilarious because they’re so nutty!
  • Squirrels are great explainers. They give you everything in a nutshell.
  • Why don’t squirrels eat macadamia nuts? Because it is a tough nut to crack!
  • What ballet is perfect for squirrels? The Nutcracker
  • How do squirrels get rich? They love to squirrel away money.
  • What do squirrels do for summer fun? They hang around on beech trees.
  • What flowers do squirrels like? Forget-me-nuts
  • Why did the squirrel see a psychologist? Because he thought he was nuts.
  • What do you call a squirrel in the space program? An astro-nut
  • How do you make friends with a squirrel? You act like a nut.

Monkey, Ape, Baboon, Chimpanzee Jokes and Puns

Monkeys, apes, baboons, and chimps are as close to human as it comes and by by nature funny animals so there should be a ton of jokes and puns about them, and there are. Here is a list of some of the best:

  • Why can’t the monkey keep a secret? Because he’s a “blab-boon”.
  • What do you get when an ape explodes? A baboom
  • What do you call a newborn monkey? A chimp off the old block
  • Why don’t monkeys play card games in the jungle? Because there are lots of cheetas.
  • What do you call a monkey who likes shellfish? A “shrimpanzee”
  • Where do monkeys hear gossip? From the “ape” vine
  • What does a monkey chef wear? An “ape-ron”
  • How do monkeys get downstairs? By sliding down the “banana”ster
  • What did the ape eat in Paris? “Ape” Suzette
  • What do you call monkeys who use the same Amazon account? Prime mates
  • Where do monkeys go for drinks? To monkey bars
  • What do you call an angry monkey? Furious George
  • Where do baby apes sleep? In “ape”ricots
  • What do you call a monkey who won the Superbowl? A “chimpion”
  • Why did the robbers kidnap the monkeys? They believed in gibbon take.
  • What do you call a fight between two groups of apes? Guerilla warfare
  • Why do humans eat more bananas than monkeys? Most people don’t like the taste of monkeys.
  • When a monkey is in a minefield, he’s called a “ba-boom”.
  • What do you call a monkey who loves eating potato chips? A “chipmonk”
  • What is a monkey’s favorite dessert? A banana split
  • What do you call a monkey that flies? A hot air baboon

Bear Jokes and Puns

  • Why do pandas like vintage movies? Because they’re in black and white.
  • What do you get by crossing a grizzly bear with a harp? A bear-faced lyre
  • What do you call a wet grizzly bear? A drizzly bear
  • What’s a bear’s favorite soda? Coca-Koala
  • Why didn’t the bear leave his mother? Because he couldn’t bear it.
  • What do you get by crossing a bear with a skunk? Winnie the PU!
  • Why did the koala quit his second job? To spend Koala-ty time with his family?
  • What do you call a bear who is a dentist? A molar bear
  • Why did the teddy bear skip dessert? Because he was already stuffed.
  • How can a bear catch fish without a fishing pole? By using his “bear” hands?
  • Why did the panda get fired? Because he only did the “bear” minimum at his job.
  • What do koalas do for exercise? Bearobics
  • What do polar bears do with their money? They deposit it in a snow bank.

Horse Jokes and Puns

Horse jokes and puns are tidy little tales that are sure to get a groan out of even the most stoic listener. If you’re an equestrian in need of a good laugh, get a load of these equine puns and jokes, and see which one makes you neigh the loudest 🙂

  • Visitors love the farm’s horses because of their amazing horsepitality.
  • The kids loved watching the horses in the parade down Mane Street.
  • Young horses thrive in a stable environment.
  • Horses like their sandwiches on thorough-bread.
  • When teenage horses are too wild, you need to reign them in.
  • Race horses love to eat fast food.
  • What did the horses’ teacher say when the class was fooling around? No more horseplay!
  • The pony was named Storm because she always road like lightning even in a hurricane.
  • To buy a thoroughbred horse, you need to pony up big money.
  • At a horse reunion, the horse said he remembered everyone’s paces but not their manes.
  • To calm down the impatient jockey, the owner shouted, “Hold your horses!”
  • Horses who gossip a lot are just a bunch of neigh-sayers.
  • The coach kicked the horse off the basketball team for too many foals.
  • What did the horse say to the animal next door? Hi neighbor!
  • The horses had a stormy relationship because they were always jockeying for position.
  • I had a scary dream about knights on horses fighting in a battle. It was definitely a “knight mare.”
  • The rancher wanted to get the horses’ opinions so he did a “gallop poll”.
  • Because of the heat, the jockeys and horses didn’t want to race “furlong”.
  • Why does the horse like racing? It brings her “fulfillyment.”

Llama and Alpaca Jokes and Puns

Thanks to their funny and cute faces, llamas and alpacas have long been the target of animal jokes and puns.We’ve gathered a list of the best llama jokes and puns here:

  • Llamas who are Star Trek fans, love to say “Live llama and prosper.”
  • What’s more incredible than a singing llama? A spelling bee
  • “You’re complaining too much!” Save the drama for your llama.
  • Al Pacacino is one of the most famous Llamawood stars.
  • What do you call an argument between two llamas? Llama drama
  • The pessimistic llama is worried about the future. He’s afraid of an impending llamageddon.
  • Who is one of the wisest llamas ever? The Dalai Llama
  • What do you call an alpaca singing group? An “alpacapella” group
  • In the llama’s presidential election, they elected Barack Ollama.
  • Who’s a popular llama singer? Llama Del Ray
  • What does a cross between a llama and a tortoise make? a turtle-neck sweater
  • Famous llamas have no privacy because of the llamarazzi following them.
  • The playboy llama had a fancy Llamborghini to impress beautiful llama ladies.
  • How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish? “Feliz Llamadad”
  • What 1960’s band do llamas like? The Llamas and the Papas
  • When you ask a llama for a favor, they will usually say, “No probllama”.
  • What do llamas say when things don’t go right? “Spit happens”
  • What Led Zeppelin song do llamas love? “Whole Llama love”
  • After some tutoring, the llama graduated high school and received his dipllama.
  • What did the angry llama drink? “Alpaca punch”
  • Llamas who like classical music are fans of Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
  • When the llama couple were deciding on dinner plans, the wife said, “llama think about it.”
  • Instead of shearing the llama, he decided to leave wool enough alone.
  • When he saw smoke, the llama quickly pulled the fire allama.
  • What did the llama say when his wife wanted to go on vacation? “Alpaca my bags!”

Snail Jokes and Puns

While there’s no doubt that many jokes about snails fall into the category of “So bad they’re good”, there are also plenty of puns and jokes that reference the slow-moving mollusks. Sure, they’re slimy and gross, but we promise that you’ll be in stitches after reading this list.

  • I felt guilty when I stepped on a snail. He looked so crushed!
  • Snails don’t get faster without their shells. They get even more sluggish.
  • Why did the snail stop hanging out with the turtle? He couldn’t keep up with him!
  • Many French people like escargot because they will not eat fast food.
  • Why was the snail having so much fun? He loved a good slime!
  • It turns out snails are strong. They carry their houses on their backs.
  • The snail on the highway was doing one mile a day.
  • When snails have a fight, they slug it out.
  • A French woman put snails in her sportscar’s gas tank to make her escargot.
  • A slug is a snail who is having a housing problem.
  • What did the slug say to the snail? Hey, are you thinking of selling your house?
  • How do snails send messages? By snail mail
  • What do you call a snail who’s a great batter? A slugger
  • Why did the shy snail have a couple of drinks? To help him come out of his shell.

Cat Jokes and Puns

If you’re an cat lover, then you already know that cats are the best things that ever happened to the internet. But just in case you aren’t convinced, here are some of the best cat puns and jokes to prove it:

  • Want to see my cat juggle? Just kitten
  • What do you call a cat who hosts lavish soirees? The Great Catsby
  • Why did the cat sit by the computer? She was stalking the mouse.
  • Why was the cat afraid of the police? Because she was a convicted feline.
  • Why was the cat overly cautious? She was afraid of having a cat-astrophe!
  • Why can’t cats solve problems? Because they always think inside the box.
  • Why are cats always get their way? Because they have catitude.
  • When the cat hurt her paw, the cat mom felt claw-ful!
  • A friend asked the crazy cat lady if she was getting any more cats. She replied, “It’s a pawsibility.”
  • What do you do about a mean stray cat? You call claw enforcement.
  • If an outdoor female cat wrote an autobiography, it would be a trashy hiss and tell.
  • What kind of cereal do cats like? Mice Krispies
  • My cat likes to watch TV. Her favorite show is Claw and Order.
  • When cats want attention, they make “mewsic”
  • The mother cat knew she was pregnant when the test was “pawsitive”
  • What do you call cats who go bowling? Alley cats
  • What do cats look for in a mate? A great purr-sonality
  • What song do cats always like? Mice Mice Baby
  • Why are cats so indecisive? They get easily “purrplexed”.
  • How do cats like to shop? By “cat”alogues
  • What do cats like for dinner? A fancy feast
  • When the cat got hurt, he felt clawful.
  • My cat is one of a kind. He’ll go down in hiss-tory.
  • When my cat was sick, I was “feline” sad!
  • What did the cat say to her naughty kitten? You’ve got to be “kitten” me.

That was our full list of animal jokes. You can also check out our posts on fantasy jokes, dad jokes or unicorn jokes and puns