Fantasy Jokes and Puns

As any fantasy aficionado knows, the worlds of high and epic fantasy are rife with puns and jokes, ranging from the lame and groan-worthy to the clever and hilarious.

Here’s a brief list of some of the best and worst, from the mildly amusing to the laugh-out-loud funny, including Elven, Draconic, and Gnomish jokes. Have fun!

Fantasy Jokes and Puns

Dragon Jokes and Puns

Dragons are a staple of fantasy fiction. They’re associated with magic, strength, and hoards of treasure, but they’re also symbolic of fierce independence, pride, and power. Dragon jokes and puns, then, should be plentiful. And that they are.

  • Why don’t dragons live long? Because smoking is deadly.
  • I went to “knight” school to get my degree in dragon slaying.
  • My teacher called me a dragon because I’m always draggin’ myself to math class!
  • Dragons make great musicians because they love their scales!
  • Dragons are “talon”ted at guarding hidden treasures.
  • When dragons meet new people, they’re great at “ice breakers.”
  • Imagine Dragons was formed by dragons because they symbolize wealth and power; perfect for a rock band!
  • Dragon bosses are horrible! They’re notorious for firing employees!
  • “Hot Lips” is the nickname for the sexiest dragon ever!
  • The “dragonian” capital punishment laws call for death by fire.
  • A dragon’s weight depends on the scales.
  • The dragon got “all fired up” when he was insulted.
  • The dragons were bored when the movie dragged on too long.
  • Pregnant dragons love to read “How to Train a Dragon.”
  • A dragon’s favorite fruit is named after them: dragon fruit.
  • The chatty dragon made the conversation drag on and on.
  • What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a knight? One drags a sleigh and the other slays a dragon.
  • What do you call a reptile in your toilet? A Commodo Dragon
  • How do you kill a female ender dragon? You “end her.”
  • The “talon” show featured a dragon singing “You Light Up My Life”.

Vampire Jokes and Puns

Some vampire jokes and puns are subtle, others are a bit more in your face and some just sucks. 🙂 Here is a list of some of the best ones we’ve seen:

  • Why can’t you get a vampire’s attention? They’re too busy looking for their “necks” victim.
  • Vampires are lousy comedians because their sense of humor sucks.
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A bad case of frostbite
  • How do you know someone is a vampire? A vampire is always “coffin”.
  • The girls loved vampires so much they started a “fang” club.
  • Vampires love to drink “Blood Light” from a longneck bottle.
  • The vampire club is always recruiting members. They’re looking for new blood.
  • The vampire wanted to act, but he was waiting for a role he could sink his teeth into.
  • When the vampire had a bad day, he said, “it sucks to be me”.
  • The vampire went to the bar to have a “Bloodweiser”.
  • When the vampire was feeling down, he drank some “B Positive”.
  • A thief was stealing from the supermarket while sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on “two counts”.
  • If vampires have no reflection, how do they know they look scary enough?
  • A vampire broke up with his girlfriend after a blood test. She wasn’t his type after all.
  • A vampire gave up acting because he didn’t get a role that he could sink his teeth into.
  • For a Halloween party, instead of being Buffy the Vampire Slayer, she was Vampire, the Buffet Slayer.
  • Dracula can’t keep any friends because he’s such a pain in the neck.
  • When Dracula does on-line shopping, he clicks on “You’re A Count” to get started.
  • The two fastest vampire runners finished “neck and neck”.
  • A woman goes to the doctor and says she keeps seeing vampires. The doctor asks if she’s seen a psychologist. She answered, “No, just vampires.”
  • What kind of coffee does Dracula drink? “decoffinated”
  • When you cross a vampire and a sheep, what do you get? “Drac-Ewe-la”
  • Why don’t vampires attack chickens? Their blood is too “fowl”.
  • I’m a big fan of vampire movies, but I’ve seen “countless” movies without Dracula.
  • I saw a renovation show on HGTV where Dracula’s castle was getting a “revamp”.
  • Why couldn’t Dracula go to the party? He was up to his neck in work.
  • Why didn’t Dracula make a bet on the horse race? The stakes were too high!
  • Why is Dracula known as “The Count”? Because math is his favorite subject!
  • Why did the teacher give Dracula detention? Because he was a pain in the neck
  • What is Dracula’s favorite streaming service? “Neck-flix”

Witch Jokes and Puns

Witches are just like everyone else, a little weird , a little mad, and a whole lot of interesting. This list of witch jokes and puns will mix the dark and the light, all with a sprinkle of magical wit.

  • Where can you learn to be a witch? “Wicca-pedia”.
  • When the nurses dress up as witches for Halloween, they’ll be “scaretakers”.
  • The witch’s favorite subject in school was spelling.
  • What happens if there are twin witches? You can’t tell witch is which.
  • Why did the witch give up her career as a fortune-teller? She couldn’t see a future in it.
  • What do you call witches who live together? Broom mates
  • What happened when the witch got angry while flying on her broom? She flew off the handle
  • Why did the witch go to the doctor? She was having dizzy spells.
  • If the broom fits, fly it!
  • When I’m in a bad mood, I resort to “witchful” thinking.
  • When you’re stressed, keep calm and carry a wand.
  • When the witch couldn’t make up her mind, she was being “witchy-washy”.
  • The witch was a great hitter. She could bat against any pitcher since she was a “witch-hitter.”
  • The witch was starving so she had a “sandwitch” along with her witch’s brew.
  • What do witches like on their bagels? “scream cheese”.
  • The witch didn’t know what time it was because she forgot her “witch watch”.
  • The twin witches had a tough time because no one could tell which was witch.
  • What makeup do witches like to wear the most? Answer: “Ma-scare-a”
  • What do you call a witch with poison ivy? An itchy witchy!
  • How do the fastest witches get around? They ride “vroomsticks”.
  • What happens when a witch breaks the school rules? She gets “ex-spelled’.
  • What noise does the witch’s cereal make? Snap, CACKLE, and pop!
  • “Witching” you the spookiest Halloween ever!
  • When you witch upon a star, your dreams come true!
  • Dressing up as the wicked witch of the west for Halloween was an “en-witching experience!

Gnome Jokes and Puns

Gnomes are often portrayed as friendly and they act as protectors and lovers of nature, but they can also be collectors of anything that catches their eye. Gnomes has a string sense of humor, and can be mischievous when it suits them.

  • The bank robber’s identity is still “ungnome”.
  • Gnome news is good news.
  • She said hello, “gnome” more, “gnome” less.
  • When in “Gnome”, do as the “Gnomans” do.
  • What do gnomes say when they meet? What’s up, “gnomies”.
  • What do you call a gnome in Levi’s? A human “jean gnome”.
  • The homesick freshman just wanted to go “gnome”.
  • The Coyotes came was played at the Dakota”Gnome” (dome).
  • Gnome Alone” is a gnome’s favorite movie.
  • Bees always swarm around “honey gnomes.”
  • The “gnome” money down deal was amazing!
  • We all need each other: “gnome man is an island.”
  • “Gnomads” are “gnomeless” desert wanderers.
  • Just say “gnome” to drugs.
  • I was a “gnomad” until I found a “gnome” in “Gnome” (New) Mexico.
  • He was “gnome-inated” for best actor.
  • The debt collector showed “gnome” mercy.
  • I can’t take your yelling “gnome” more!
  • I have “gnome oar” energy to work out today.
  • I have “gnome” idea what you are talking about.
  • I’ll always love you, “gnome” matter what.
  • I’m hanging out with my “gnomies” tonight.
  • She’s really sweet once you get to “gnome” her.
  • Are you going “gnome” for the school break?
  • “I’ll be “gnome” for Christmas, if only in my dreams.
  • If I only had “gnome”, I wouldn’t have trusted him.

Elf Jokes and Puns

Some dwarves have been known to say that elves are dry and boring, with a tendency to bicker and tire easily. But as any elf will tell you, dwarves are not only bad at appreciating the finer things in life, they are also quite slow. If you enjoy a good pun, you’ll love these elf jokes and puns.

  • I’m so ashamed of my”elf” for yelling at her.
  • Did Mozart take music lessons? No, he was “elf”-taught.
  • She believed in natural medicine so she went to a “gnome”-opath”.
  • Why are elves great listeners? They are all ears.
  • The elf’s favorite singer is the legendary “Elf-is” Presley.
  • What do elves learn in first grade? the “elf-abet”.
  • Elves are always taking pictures, especially “elf”ies.
  • Where do elves like to dance? Christmas balls
  • Since they have short legs, elves like taking the “elf”-avator, instead of the stairs.
  • Athletes get athlete’s foot, but elves get “Mistle-toes”.
  • The elf’s on again, off again romance ended. Now he’s an “elf on a shelf”.
  • What do you call a rebellious elf? A rebel without a Claus
  • What soda do elves like best? Sprite
  • What do you call an elf who makes corny Christmas jokes? A Christmas card
  • The elf felt bad about himself. He had poor “elf”-esteem.
  • What’s another name for elves? Subordinate clauses
  • The elves drive to Santa’s workshop in a “Toy-ota”.
  • The elf wanted to boost his “elf-esteem” so he read an “elf-help” book.
  • What kitchen tools do elves use? “U-tinsels”.
  • Santa was worried about his elves to he did an “elf and safety” check.
  • What do you call a dozen elves? The “twelves”.
  • The “elf-ish” elf wanted to keep the presents for hims”elf”.

Wizard Jokes and Puns

If you’re not laughing already, then you might need to try a spell or two to lighten up. ;P

  • What’s the problem with an illiterate wizard? He can’t spell.
  • What’s the best school of magic for cow wizards? Moodoo
  • What do you call a wizard who can turn into a golf club? Harry Putter
  • What do you call a wizard who likes to use ice magic? A blizzard
  • What did the drunk hobbit say after he bumped into the wizard? “Saruman, I didn’t see you.”
  • Why did the dyslexic wizard fail in school? Because he couldn’t spell
  • What happened when the wizard’s company went bankrupt? He had to let his staff go.
  • Why did the vampire fall in love with the wizard? Because the wizard was a neck-romancer
  • What do you call a wizard who is a calculus wiz? A mathemagician
  • What do you call a cheerful wizard who fits eyeglasses? Opti-Mystic
  • What spell did Harry Potter use to end the Wizarding War? Expelliarmistice
  • What does a cooking wizard do? He performs “saucer”.
  • What employee benefits did the wizard get? A staff discount
  • What is an incompetent wizard’s favorite computer program? Spell check
  • What do you call a wizard who breaks things? Da mage
  • How did the wizard get away with murder? He turned himself into the police.
  • Who did the wizard propose to? His ghoul-friend
  • Why was the wizard the teacher’s pet? He won the spelling bee every year!
  • What is a popular song for wizards? “Spells Like Teen Spirit”
  • The wizard’s mom told him not to cry over “spelled” milk.

Warrior Jokes and Puns

Gronk, Smash.. Weaklings stand aside! Warriors have the funniest jokes, any objections?  🗡

  • My favorite holiday song is about two knights: one who is silent and the other whose armor is breaking apart.
  • What do you call a warrior who wanders and never gets angry? A nomad
  • What do you call a female warrior in p.j.’s? A Pajamazon
  • A Viking warrior who is a scrabble champ dies. Where does he go? “Vowel-halla”
  • A Roman warrior felt sorry for devouring his wife, but in the end…He was “glad-he-ate-her.”
  • How do you communicate with a Viking warrior’s spirit? By using a “Nor-Ouija-ian” board
  • Why do turkeys make good warriors? Because they’re not chickens
  • I hate watching Xena Warrior Princess. I guess I’m Xenaphobic!
  • What did an armless warrior tell his opponent before battle? You’re about to meet “da-feet!”
  • What do you call a soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas? A seasoned warrior
  • What do you call a comedy improv show hosted by a knight? Saturday “Knight” Live
  • Which Saiyan warrior is good at math? Sugoku
  • Why do warriors fail in business? They charge too much.
  • What is a nocturnal medieval warrior called? A night knight
  • What do you call a Japanese warrior fashionista? Glamurai
  • Knights are always willing to work the “knightshift”.
  • The dark ages were dark times because there were too many “knights”.
  • What is the favorite movie of knights? “Knight” of the Living Dead.

D & D Jokes and Puns

If you’ve ever played a D&D game, then you’re familiar with the jokes and puns that inevitably accompany it. Fantasy puns, jokes, and references are standard fare for any good D&D game. Below is a list of some of the best fantasy jokes and puns that you can use in your game.

  • What’s a cleric’s favorite hot drink? “Divini-tea”
  • Why does leather armor help you sneak around better? It’s made of hide.
  • Why do wizards like fireballs? It’s a well-rounded spell.
  • Why do elves always have pointed ears? There has to be some point to elves.
  • How does a paladin protect himself from firebolt heat? He turns up the AC.
  • How do you know when a magic sword is blunt? When it criticizes a player’s combat form
  • What do you do if you like another D&D player? You ask them for a d8.
  • What happened when the Halfling Rogue went to court? Answer: The judge said, “Would the defendant please rise?”
  • What do you call a goblin with an injured leg? A hobblin’
  • My dungeons and dragon themed vacation house is for rent. I call it “Air D&D”
  • Why do paladins wear chain mail? It’s holy armor.
  • What does an ogre think of an armored knight? Tinned beef
  • What do you call a thousand-year-old fey? A Milleni”elf”

That was our full list of fantasy jokes. You can also check out our posts on animal jokes, dad jokes and unicorn jokes and puns